There is a melody
That plays inside
My heart

It thumps
Pumps
And beats
To the sound
Of her breath
Her walk
The crinkle
  Of her smile
The movement
  Of her eyes

The melody
Will continue to play
For as long as
There is an audience

Under this rough exterior
Is a sensitive, passionate
Mean spirited son of a bitch

However, I am working
On the latter of the flaws
With some help
From my shrink

She does think
Its great that I am
In touch with
My feminine side
But I am not sure
How to take that

Those “feminine” qualities
(her words, not mine)
Of acknowledging “feelings”
Can cause nothing but
Suffering and grief
Because too much of it
Tends to frighten people

I try to find the balance

But it might be easier
to suppress it all
be an asshole
or fire her

but then I would
just feel lousy
about myself

I just cant win

ups and downs

The downsides of

Getting old are

You start to get grays

Where you don’t want them

You become tired more easily

Can’t drink as much

Cant’ play hard anymore

the upsides are

People become clearer with their intentions

You don’t need as many people around

It doesn’t matter how you act

What you wear

What you have

And there is an end in sight

 To the bullshit

I just want another go around

To do more damage

Because when you are young

You don’t realize

Or listen

But growing old

Is inevitable

So I hope people

Will open up their ears

And shut their mouths more

waste of time and money

There are many

 Things in life

That can qualify

   As a waste

Of time

  And money

Regardless

 Of what those things

Might be

 When we choose to

Spend money
 and use our spare time

  We do expect

Some results

Whether

 It be temporary

  Happiness

Madness

 A break from boredom

But when a

  Young lass

Requests a donation

  To commit a certain

Act of debauchery

 Nothing defines

Waste more than

 A requirement

To wear a flunky
 when receiving

A bob on the knob

i am

a Rotten son of a bitch

It says so

Right here

It was my

 Birth given

name

It came with a

 Lack of compassion

Selfishness

&

 Greed

I knew of

 Nothing else

   Experienced

Nothing else

 Felt even less

The only time

 I’m more than this

   Is when I am

In my sleeping

 State of mind

A state where

I

Alone exist

thank you

is all the broad

say

 as we lay

next to one another

 after bodies sweating

the street light

 peeking through

the rip

 in the curtain

the whizzing

  of the ceiling fan blowing

cold welcomed air

no other sounds heard

 or words said

laid up

  staring in to the

back of my mind

   recycling thoughts

that led us here

just an easy escape

  with an uncomplicated

break

what happened

to that little girl

with little fingers

little toes

big smile

the little girl

who i rocked

back and forth

paced

back and forth with

because she could

not find comfort

on her own

the little girl

i held so tightly

and could not

let go

no matter how

painful

her screams were

the little girl

who i played

dolls with

pushed on the swings

chased after

in the park

the little girl

who needed me

depended on me

she is now

growing up

becoming

her own

as i continue

to devote myself

patiently waiting

for her to return